Sunday, January 15, 2012

They Don't Make em' Like They Used to.




 I was shown an image a while back of NBA finals runner-up LeBron James lounging out on a regal throne, flanked on either side by a trio of actual lions. The Heat forward was the picture of royalty in most respects, appearing about as smug as the supposed greatest-living-basketball-player has every right to look. While LeBron’s recent actions and overall demeanor have at times thrown me into a fit of rage, there’s just no disputing the fact that the dude has a knack for sniffin’ out a killer photo shoot… even if his headband has been creeping ever-northward since the first time he stepped out on NBA hardwood (you have to get your shots in were you can.).

Anyway, this specific image immediately sent me into a downward spiral of sports-themed nostalgia and reminiscence. I was reminded of a particular vintage poster featuring former Atlanta Falcons Guard Bill Fralic, where he’s pictured perched atop a similar looking throne, set in between a pair of ritzy looking hound dawgs. I started thinking of the days when superstar athletes didn’t bat an eye at the notion of dressing up in a wacky, potentially demeaning, ensemble, all in the name of selling a few posters. If you were born at any point throughout the 80′s I’m sure you know the type of promo shot I’m referring to. In an age when Adobe Photoshop was just a geeky pipe-dream, pro’s had to really go for it when the studio flashbulbs started to burst.


After firing up the Google Image Search, I was quickly immersed into the bizarre world of old school sports merch. The shots I tracked down suggested that professional league PR departments were on some laid back tip throughout most previous decades. So many of theses posters either featured an athlete wielding a gun, or implied that the athlete in question was prone to gunning down foes out on their respective playing surface.



Check out the size of that piece in the Chuck Person shot! There’s no way this type of shit would fly in the current buttoned up social climate we now reside in, and it’s kind of unfortunate. What I wouldn’t pay for a Gilbert Arenas poster featuring the dude in his finest sweat pants, propped up in front of a poker table, toting a couple of hand guns.


You can check out more of these posters, in all their absurd glory, in a slide show posted by Coed Magazine. Not only do most of the photos feature an athlete dressed in something border-line humiliating, but also usually present whole bunches of lame props in the background. These props only tangentially correlate to the actual athlete in question, but over time, became a real linchpin in the completion of one of these photo shoots. Just look at the heap of crap that populates the supposed back yard of Bob “Mad Dawg” Golic. I would have personally liked the props master here to include some refference to Golic’s time spent acting on Saved By The Bell: The College Years, but I suppose you can’t have it all.

Sadly, in recent times, this outrageous brand of poster has gone the way of the giant-headed athletic caricature t-shirt. Which is to say, these things just aren’t produced anymore. In this less-is-more, Terry Richardson-dominated photographic climate, it seems that most folks want to fix their gaze on a smartly dressed superstar set in front of a stark backdrop. History tends to repeat itself, however, so lately I’ve been counting down the days untill Blake Griffin get’s photographed straddling a motorcycle, dressed like the Terminator. I can truly picture it now.

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